Blood

Blood. That first spec that showed was old, brown and thick. Nothing to worry about, she thought. The pain she’d been having that morning was normal. She had read about it. Just a little pain to show when the little ball of cells implanted itself into the walls of her body. Blood was common when that happened. Of course it was. Two hours later there was nothing. “See, nothing to worry about”, she told herself. An hour after that, there was a faint pink line. Heart beating a little faster than usual, that niggle of worry settled itself in at the back of her mind.

Another day went by with more of the same. The niggle of worry got stronger. That night, she stayed up reading stories that other women had written. Some said they worried for nothing. Some said that there was a reason to worry. She didn’t know what to think. “Just keep positive,” her husband told her. “Until we know for sure theres a problem, its better to hope there isn’t one. We don’t want to create a problem by worrying, do we?”

He made a lot of sense. Finally, finally she was able to sleep. The next morning, the stain was a little bigger. A little darker. A little more red. She showed it to him, and he hugged her.
“It will be alright,” he said. “And if it isn’t.. well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Logical. Reasonable, even. But the niggle of worry was not just a little niggle anymore. She spent the long drive to work calming herself with music. She could lose herself in the music and the concentration needed to drive safely. No room to think about what might or might not happen. Every now and again, she would place a hand on her belly and pray. She would tell the baby that she loved him. That she hoped he was ok in there.

He wasn’t. He wasn’t even a “he” or “she” in there. There was nothing. But she didn’t know that. In her mind, the baby lived. The pregancy test had said so, hadn’t it? When she arrived at work, the second she stepped out the car, she knew. Fighting fear, she walked as calmly as she could to her desk and dropped her bag. She would have to check of course. When she did, praying all the while that she was wrong, the shock was still incredible. She had felt it, but seeing was another thing entirely.

Blood. It was no spec. It was not old. It was not brown. And it was everywhere.