Silver Linings

The old cliché is there is always a silver lining hidden in every dark cloud. But when you are mired in that darkness, it is often difficult to find that lining. Everything happens for a reason and things happen according to Gods/Universes divine plan, I keep being told. And although I do believe that, while I was stuck in the dark it was incredibly hard to take comfort in it.

Recently, I read this post by Amy over at TTC Baby Blog. It is something that I think anyone who is going through a miscarriage or loss should read and take note of. For me, reading that post helped me to find my silver lining and restore my faith in the universe.
Perhaps my miscarriages and everything that happened after, was to make me appreciate what I had.

I am blessed to have a husband who would do anything for me, a beautiful home that I can call my own and a pair of doggies that love me unconditionally. I am still alive against incredible odds (for the second time in my life) and I still have hope for a child of my own. I have parents who gave me strength when mine was flagging and a network of family and friends that will always be there for me. To all of them, I say a huge thank you. I know it can't have been easy to watch my struggle with depression but you were always there, trying to help.

And I second what Amy said about never taking anything for granted when it comes to our future babies. Because we know how hard it was to get there, we will never ever take anything about them for granted. This point was driven home to me recently, as I watched a new mother basically hand off the responsibilities of caring for her baby to others in her family. It would make me crazy to see her not realising what a precious miracle she had, one that I would do anything for. To watch her not appreciate every single second she had with her baby and spend less time with him by choice, hurt me.

And then I realised that hidden within the pain was gift. When I do eventually have my baby, I will appreciate every second I have him. I will want to do as much as I can for him by myself. I will see him for what he is. A miracle that has come into my life. A blessing.

In Amy's words

"We have been conditioned to be the best parents on the face of the earth, and by that I feel lucky... "