I know I post alot on this topic (here and here), this is something I have been struggling with for a while now. How do we stand up for ourselves and our feelings when we have been conditioned to being the peacemakers and doing what we're told? Have you ever been told "But you're the girl. You shouldn't behave that way"? I spent years trying to live up to what was expected of me, sometimes forgetting who I was in the process. Its incredibly easy to fall back into those thought/behavioural patterns. I believe repeating these rights to yourself every day will help combat that. I have reposted the article below for your reading pleasure. Maybe it will help us remember that our feelings are valid too.
My Rights By Anne Dickson
My happiness tips this month are simple, empowering and focussed.
I offer you a set of rules that I discovered in the 80's in a book called A woman in your own right. That book revolutionised my view of myself. It shaped what I taught my children. It guided my daily interactions. Not only did it help me become empowered, but my children too. As a working mom I needed to give my children tools to keep themselves safe when I wasn't there. So I set out to teach them the rules too - off by heart - to make sure they would be an ever present guide for them. As we recited the rules each night at bedtime, and chanted them on the way to school in the car, they not only learned them perfectly, but 'authorised' by their Mom, they believed them too!
I remember going to parent's day to see my eldest daughter's teacher. She was about 8 at the time and as I chatted to the teacher she told me that she really enjoyed teaching Louise as 'Louise challenges me when she doesn't agree with me!' Imagine that, an 8 year old with enough confidence to challenge an authority figure in a classroom. The truth is that, 20 years on, both my daughters can still say many and most rules from memory, and have used them as a touchstone for empowered living. (Excuse me, sometimes they are so good at standing their ground they even make me quake in my boots!!!)
Empowered living is happy living. Those who run around trying to please everyone lead frustrated and unfulfilled lives. And, as women our natural instinct is to create harmony. Combined with the fact that most girls are socialised to be 'nice', there's probably a lot of inner resistance to taking these on board. So it takes some practise (and scary moments) to stand on these rules, but it's worth it.
Learn them by heart yourself, even teach them to your children. Once deeply imbedded in this way you will find you start to use them as an automatic touchstone for your responses, choices and behaviours. Yes, there will be some challenging moments where you will be given opportunities to decide where you stand. Those closest and dearest to you will hate the changes they see in you, after all they have gotten used to you going along with them. Now things will be different. But the truth is this - respecting and honouring yourself is the starting point to respecting and honouring others. So say hello to the rules that help you respect and honour yourself. Say hello to genuine respect for others. Say hello to long term happiness.
MY RIGHTS
I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person, independent of any roles that I may assume in life.
I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being.
I have the right to express my feelings.
I have the right to express my opinions and values.
I have the right to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for myself.
I have the right to make mistakes.
I have the right to change my mind.
I have the right to say I don’t understand.
I have the right to ask for what I want.
I have the right to decline responsibility for other people’s problems.
I have the right to deal with others without being dependant on them for approval.
No comments:
Post a Comment