Hooray.. 2010 IS OVER! Finally!
While many of you won't share this sentiment, for me its almost all I felt as we rang in the new year. I threw a party for my family and as we danced the year away, the absolute relief I felt was indescribable.
Normally the end of a year and the beginning of a new one is a time for introspection. A time for looking back at the mistakes, the joys, and pain and learning from them. Here are 5 lessons that I learned from this painful year :
1. Living is not just existing. And Living is well worth the effort it takes.
For a good part of this year, I simply existed. I crawled into myself and tried to shut out the world. My pain was too much and I refused to let anyone see for fear of hurting them. When I started emerging from this shell I'd built around myself, I discovered what it meant to live. To smile and mean it. To once again be a part of the living instead of just pretending. This is something my pain taught me to appreciate and its a lesson I will hold on to as tightly as I can. I will be more courageous and live my life in the happiest way possible.
2. I am not a selfish or hurtful person. I should be kinder to myself.
Pain teaches you about yourself. It pares everything down until you reach the core of yourself. I've always had this impression of myself that I am a selfish person who is fairly mean. I could never understand it when people used words like "sweet" and "quiet" to describe me since I spent endless time feeling guilty for the selfish or hurtful things I've done. I have discovered that most of that was in my head. If I was a selfish person, I would have wallowed in my pain and dragged everyone else with me. If I was hurtful, I would have lashed out when people hurt me. Instead, I turtled. I hid behind a mask. And only when people continued to hurt me, did I lash out to make them stop. So I have learned that I need to be kinder to myself and to stop shoving myself down in the mud.
3. People can only hurt you as much as you allow. I will not be allowing this any longer.
I will stand up for myself and make myself heard. I am old enough to know what I want in life and to know what will not work for me. The people who hurt me in order to force me to their wants, will not be allowed to affect my happiness.
4. Some things just can't be controlled. Some dreams only come true according to God's and the Universe's plan.
When I was young, I internalised the lesson that "If you want something, you have to work for it. Nobody is going to hand it to you on a platter. All dreams are achievable if you are willing to work for it. God helps those who help themselves". This year taught me that although this is true, there should be an additional waver. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work, you have to step back and accept the universes plan. If the time is not right, it will not happen. So work as hard as you can, but don't obsess when the dream doesn't come true. This is a hard lesson to learn and even harder to put into practice.
5. The cycle of life means that good must follow bad and bad will follow good.
In other words, "this too shall pass". The lesson is that no matter how much it hurts right now, there will come a time when the pain lessens and joy will slowly take its place. There will always be ups and downs and our job is to feel both to the fullest. To do otherwise, would mean we are dead inside.
So, Happy New Year everyone. May 2011 be all that you hope it will be.
