Breathing

Breathing
~Prime Circle

Step back
Stop the world
Stop the time
It's always running
Just trying to catch my breath
Just trying to take it in
Unfold and calculate
Concentrate and reach for something

Here's to the good times
The bad times
The times that could have been
To the wrong times
The right times
I know we'll breathe again
Until then...
Until then...

[Chorus]
Suppose that we got older
Suppose that we'd begin
Suppose that I stopped running
It could begin again
Suppose in life we made it
I'm never looking back
I'm never looking back

The hardest part of letting go
Not easy to believe
And sometimes you'll just never know
Gets harder to perceive
You're gone
You're long gone
[Chorus]
I know you can see it, now
Can't feel it, after all
Seems it's us versus time
Think we made up our minds
All that's left is just to see

[Chorus] x2

Here's to the good times
The bad times
The times that could have been...

TMI - Attractiveness and Body Image brain dump

So, things were going ok for awhile and then BAM .. trouble hits paradise once again. This is definitely a TMI post so please come back another day if its going to wierd you out.

But first for the background
I have never been, by anyones definition, a thin girl. I have curves. Lots of them. My figure is more like the classic hourglass figures of the 50's than the pencil thin muscled beauties of today.

1955 beauty pagaent contestants

Elizabeth Montgomery, Dick York and Lisa Seagram

Megan Fox

 When I first met hubby and we started going out, he used to try to nudge me into doing more excercise and to "get fit" as he called it. He used to say that I needed lose weight (at the time was at the smallest my body had ever been and I used to still hide my curves beneath jeans and loose t-shirts). I was self-conscious since the beauty standards of today call for a body that is virtually androgynous. Add in PCOS and you see where this is going. I am slightly overweight, I battle hairiness constantly and I am sensitive to sugar. Teenage boys being what they are, I was generally rejected as a potential girlfriend and made fun of until hubby.

Gradudation Day

We moved past this and he learned to stop mentioning these things since it upset me (knowing as I do that no matter how much I diet and exercise, my body frame will not lend itself to being "thin").

Wedding Day

Fast forward to our wedding and honeymoon and we discover that we have bedroom issues. I tried to be supportive to ensure that he never feels judged in the hope that the problem was more of a psychological one than anything else. We tried treatments (that helped for a while) but none of them were long term solutions. Two and a half years into our marriage, we were still experiencing problems and after trying everything I could think of, I finally suggested we see a therapist. And thats when hubby tells me that he is doing something thats affecting our sex life and he can't stop.

So suffice to say that we had problems. I started to blame myself and couldn't get out of my mind the issues he had previously had with my body. Surely, he wouldn't be doing what he was if I was good enough for him in the bedroom? We started seeing a therapist who helped put things into perspective for him and he managed to stop. Things were better for a little while and we started trying for a baby. I lost my first baby (a chemical pregnancy they said) and then a few months later lost the second (which I almost didn't survive). Of course, being pregnant and losing your child does things to your body. I gained about 4kg and have an ugly scar.

Once my body healed and it was time to try to get back to our normal lives, it was harder to get back into the swing of things in the bedroom. I was still suffering depression from losing my babies and trying to work through the trauma I had gone through. So I let things slide even more.

But now that I'm feeling alot more in control of myself and my emotions, this issue has raised its ugly head once again. I am once again left feeling unwanted, and unattractive since my own husband does not want to touch me. I feel sad and upset and angry that I am not good enough, not beautiful enough, not thin enough. I feel hurt that he refuses to initiate anything with me and am angry that I am forced to ask. It makes me feel like I am forcing him to touch me when he would rather not. I have no idea how to solve this and we had a big fight about it on christmas day when he chose to rather sit and play a computer game than be with me.

Hello, my name is "Me" and I have body image issues and feel completely unattractive and ugly.

Behind Blue Eyes
~Limp Bizkit

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes
And no one knows
What it's like to be hated
To be fated to telling only lies

[Chorus:]
But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like i do, and i blame you!
No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

[Chorus]

Discover l.i.m.p. say it [x4]
No one knows what its like
To be mistreated, to be defeated
Behind blue eyes
No one knows how to say
That they're sorry and don't worry
I'm not telling lies

[Chorus]

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man, to be the sad man
Behind blue eyes.

Same Goes for You Lyrics

~Prime Circle

I search in corners search in rooms
I search to find myself some answers
To see these questions through
Relearn what I knew
Never mind this walk of shame
Never mind it's all been done
And I'm not really that bad

Cause I got things to do
And I'm just telling you
That I just will not stop
No I'm not giving up

Chorus-Part-1
The same goes for you
The same goes for me
The same goes for dreams
In all their varying ways
Excuse me for what i say
Chorus-Part-2
For what i say
Excuse me for what i say

I'm taking back what is mine
And I'm gonna hold on tight this time
Nothing's gonna pry me loose
Hope that this is the truth
Maybe it's wrong
Maybe it's right
Maybe this time I'm gonna come to life
And I hope you feel it too
And I cant tell you things to do

Cause I'm just telling you
That I just will not stop
No I'm not giving up

Chorus-Part-1
The same goes for you
The same goes for me
The same goes for dreams
In all their varying ways
Excuse me for what I say
The same goes for you
The same goes for me
The same goes for dreams
In all their varying ways
Excuse me for what I say
Chorus-Part-2
For what I say
Excuse me for what I say


WoooOO00OOooohhhhh I'm not crazy

Cause I'm just telling you
That I just will not stop
No I'm not giving up

Chorus-Part-1
The same goes for you
The same goes for me
The same goes for dreams
In all their varying ways
Excuse me for what I say
But the same goes for you
The same goes for me
The same goes for dreams
Excuse me for what I say

Chorus-Part-2
For what I say
Excuse me for what I say

Given Up
~Linkin Park

Waking in a sweat again

Another day's been laid to waste

In my disgrace



Stuck in my head again

Feels like I'll never leave this place

There's no escape

I'm my own worst enemy



I've given up

I'm sick of feeling

Is there nothing you can say?



Take this all away

I'm suffocating!

Tell me what the heck is

Wrong with me?

I don't know what to take

Thought I was focused but I'm scared

I'm not prepared



I hyperventilate

Looking for hope somehow somewhere

And no one cares

I'm my own worst enemy

I've given up

I'm sick of feeling

Is there nothing you can say?


Take this all away

I'm suffocating!

Tell me what the heck is

Wrong with me?


God!



Put me out of my misery

Put me out of my misery

Put me out of my

Put me out of my ******* misery!




I've given up

I'm sick of feeling

Is there nothing you can say?



Take this all away
I'm suffocating!

Tell me what the heck is

Wrong with me?

Tasty Thursday - Baby Garden Pasta

Better late than never, right? Sorry guys for missing this weeks Tasty Thursday. On Thursday we had a group therapy session at work to help us transition to the new company branding. It was about 4 hours and we discussed things that we like and dislike about the company. At times it was fairly tension filled and I was exhausted by the end of it. And on Friday there was a baby shower for one of our co-workers. This was stressful for me. Just when I think I'm making progress, I discover that I have another stumbling block.

In this case, I just couldn't go to the baby shower. The thought of seeing all those baby clothes and all the excitement and happiness made me feel extremely anxious and I ended up not going. Part of the problem was that the lady in question was due in the first week in December and that was when my second lost baby would been born. It was good that I didn't have another big emotional storm, but I was still extremely uncomfortable.

****************TMI AHEAD*******************
The good news is I think I O'd this week. And hubby and I have been trying to BD regularly (after a long dry spell). I think we might have timed it correctly, so now its a question of whether I O'd on the correct side where my tube is still intact. I don't have confirmation of O yet, I'll probably only get that by Monday, but I feel like I O'd. My temps for the last 5 days have been 36.2, 36.2, 36.2, 36.3, 36.4 .. If it continues to go up then I will know that I have O'd. And then will be time for the 2WW during which I will be anxiously biting my nails until either AF comes or I have a confirmed pregnancy. And then the real worry begins.. LOL.. who wants to be me??
*********************END OF TMI*******************

This garden pasta is quick, easy and good for stress since it has lots of wonderful green veggies. Excellent for the health conscious or TTC'ing mommies :) Credit goes to our very own T'alicious for this wonderful recipe.



Baby Garden Pasta
Baby marrow
Baby corn
Sugar Snap peas (Mange Tout)
Tri-colour pasta
1 mini can of tomato paste
1 can Italian tomatoes - (Pomo D'Oro)
garlic, chilli
salt to taste

Boil Pasta in salted water until al dente

Slice veggies diagonally (very important to the flavour) and pan fry in a little Olive oil and salt

When veggies caramelise, add about 2 tablespoons of water to the mixture to keep all that smoky sweet flavour.

Cook tomatoes with garlic, chilli and salt

Mix vegetables into pasta

Add tomato

Serve with a tablespoon of sour cream on the side.

Tasty Thursday - Juice

We all the know rule about nutrition, right? To get all the nutrients, vitamins and minerals our body needs to function optimally, we should be eating about 6-9 servings of fresh fruit and vegetables. As a vegetarian, I know I get a good portion of this, but what about all the non-vegetarians out there? And besides, if we have a bit extra, its not going to hurt us, right?

But I know what you're thinking. Ugh, vegetables. How am I going to manage to eat that much fruit and vegetables? And the easy and tasty answer is "Don't eat it. Drink it!" If you prepare fresh juices and do not add any extra sugar or preservatives, it is as healthy as actually eating the fruit and vegetables.

Here are a few of my favourite juice recipes that are healthy an delicious. You never have to add any sugar since they are super sweet. Drink a cup or two of juice with your meals and you will not only eat less (it is filling!) but gain in the massive amount of nutrients. And if your body is getting more nutrients and you are eating less unhealthy food, a wonderful side effect is that you lose weight! The extra fibre will also keep your body working well and have you feeling great :)

Tropical Mix
1/4 pineapple
2 yellow apples
1 orange
1 banana
1 mango
a handful of strawberries

Zesty Carrot
4 carrots
2 green apples
1 thumb sized piece of ginger

Mixed Fruit
1/4 pineapple
2 apples
2 orange
1 guava
2 kiwi

My Rights

So we all know about human rights and our constitutional rights, right? But do we really think about them in our daily lives? I'm guessing not. I recently read this article on the Pretty Powerful website and it made alot of sense to me. If we all implemented this into our daily lives, maybe we wouldn't allow ourselves to be taken advantage of and we would stand up for ourselves even if it means not being the good girl.

I know I post alot on this topic  (here and here), this is something I have been struggling with for a while now. How do we stand up for ourselves and our feelings when we have been conditioned to being the peacemakers and doing what we're told? Have you ever been told "But you're the girl. You shouldn't behave that way"? I spent years trying to live up to what was expected of me, sometimes forgetting who I was in the process. Its incredibly easy to fall back into those thought/behavioural patterns. I believe repeating these rights to yourself every day will help combat that. I have reposted the article below for your reading pleasure. Maybe it will help us remember that our feelings are valid too.

My Rights  By Anne Dickson

 My happiness tips this month are simple, empowering and focussed.

I offer you a set of rules that I discovered in the 80's in a book called A woman in your own right. That book revolutionised my view of myself. It shaped what I taught my children. It guided my daily interactions. Not only did it help me become empowered, but my children too. As a working mom I needed to give my children tools to keep themselves safe when I wasn't there. So I set out to teach them the rules too - off by heart - to make sure they would be an ever present guide for them. As we recited the rules each night at bedtime, and chanted them on the way to school in the car, they not only learned them perfectly, but 'authorised' by their Mom, they believed them too!


I remember going to parent's day to see my eldest daughter's teacher. She was about 8 at the time and as I chatted to the teacher she told me that she really enjoyed teaching Louise as 'Louise challenges me when she doesn't agree with me!' Imagine that, an 8 year old with enough confidence to challenge an authority figure in a classroom. The truth is that, 20 years on, both my daughters can still say many and most rules from memory, and have used them as a touchstone for empowered living. (Excuse me, sometimes they are so good at standing their ground they even make me quake in my boots!!!)


Empowered living is happy living. Those who run around trying to please everyone lead frustrated and unfulfilled lives. And, as women our natural instinct is to create harmony. Combined with the fact that most girls are socialised to be 'nice', there's probably a lot of inner resistance to taking these on board. So it takes some practise (and scary moments) to stand on these rules, but it's worth it.


Learn them by heart yourself, even teach them to your children. Once deeply imbedded in this way you will find you start to use them as an automatic touchstone for your responses, choices and behaviours. Yes, there will be some challenging moments where you will be given opportunities to decide where you stand. Those closest and dearest to you will hate the changes they see in you, after all they have gotten used to you going along with them. Now things will be different. But the truth is this - respecting and honouring yourself is the starting point to respecting and honouring others. So say hello to the rules that help you respect and honour yourself. Say hello to genuine respect for others. Say hello to long term happiness.


MY RIGHTS

I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as a person, independent of any roles that I may assume in life.
I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human being.
I have the right to express my feelings.
I have the right to express my opinions and values.
I have the right to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ for myself.
I have the right to make mistakes.
I have the right to change my mind.
I have the right to say I don’t understand.
I have the right to ask for what I want.
I have the right to decline responsibility for other people’s problems.
I have the right to deal with others without being dependant on them for approval.

Tasty Thursday - Honey Lemon Frosted Cupcakes

As promised, todays Tasty Thursday is about cupcakes. Specifically, ultra-soft delicious eggless cupcakes with a divine honey lemon frosting.

What I find interesting however, is that the day I decide to post a recipe about cupcakes, I come across this article in the U.K Version of The Guardian. It was published about two years ago, but I believe it is still relevent today. The title is "Do good feminists bake cupcakes?". In the article, the views of a few 20-something women who have taken to the domestic arts are juxtaposed against the views of modern day feminists. The discussion basically comes down to the following 2 arguments.

"... what makes this modern domesticity very different to the old-fashioned kind is that it is done out of choice, not out of duty or an attempt to impress men ... "

"... There are problems associated with domesticity because, in the past, there was the assumption that it was just 'what women did'..."

The core of feminism to me, is the ability to choose what is right for you and not be dependant on anyone else to make your decisions for you. I am a working woman, a wife and hopefully one day a mother. My husband is a working man, a husband and hopefully one day a father. We both share equally in the responsibilities of owning a home and living together. We are both breadwinners in our family, we share food preparation duties and we look after our doggies toegther. If feminism is about equality, then I am a feminist and so is my husband. But if I choose to bake and cook and knit (yes, I went through phase where I knitted myself some lovely scarves), and if that makes me happy, that doesnt change anything. Choosing domestic arts does not automatically make a woman not a feminist just like a man choosing woodwork and vintage cars does not make him a chauvenist.

So bake cupcakes if that takes your fancy. You dont need to be a 1950's housewife to do so :)

 Honey Lemon Frosted Cupcakes

For the cake

1 3/4 cup (200g) self raising flour

3 level tsp baking powder

3/4 cup (115g) sugar

1/2 cup (125ml) vegetable oil (I mixed sunflower and olive oil)

1 cup cold water

4 tsp lemon juice

Preheat oven to 180 degrees C (375F)

Whisk dry ingredients together in a bowl

Add wet ingredients and whisk

Place paper cups into muffin tray and or individual cupcake molds

Fill mixture in cups

Bake for 20 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean

Wait 10 mins before removing from tins and placing on cooling wracks

(Makes 17 cupcakes)

For the Frosting

3 1/2 cups icing sugar

1/2 cup butter softened

1 tsp vanilla essence

2 tbs honey

2 tbs lemon juice

Cream butter, honey and vanilla together

Add sugar half a cup at a time

Once all the sugar is added, continue to cream until it reached the right consistency

Add lemon juice and any colouring if you are using

Decorate cupcakes

 

(Depending on how much frosting you use, you will have plenty left over. I have frozen the leftovers for next time)

No More Ms Good Girl

Ok, so I'm a little late to get back into blogging. I have reasons (and excuses) which you're probably not too interested in anyway. Too bad. Stop reading here if you not interested. Its been a tough week for me. Who knew I needed to get away that badly??

I completely and thoroughly enjoyed my girl weekend away. It felt was amazing to leave all my problems and issues behind and just let loose for a few days. The unfortunate downside to that is that when I got back, I was a) exhausted and b) dismayed to find all my baggage waiting at home for me to shoulder it once more.

Picking up all that weight again threw me into a bit of a tailspin. I went from being kindof manically happy to being completely down and depressed. I started seeing a therapist as well, which, while helping, is also making me dredge through the pain and trauma I went through.

Add to this some drama with my family (where I was told Im being selfish and I need to just get over it) and and item that was to me a symbol of my hope, being ripped away from me by these same people, and you begin to see why I've been AWOL. Its been a lot to deal with and I'm still not quite at the point where I can say its over.

What I do know is that I will not take the item back. Even if they try to give it back to me, I dont want or need it. I will not allow myself to be treated like crap any longer. I am tired of being the good girl, and letting others stomp all over my heart. In the course of this thing happening, others have said to me that they wouldn't have intentionally hurt me.. but if you know that something your are doing is upsetting/hurting someone and you insist on doing it anyway, then that is intentional hurt. it disregards the other persons feelings in favour of your wants. And I will not allow people to do that to me any longer.

So look out world. Its no more Ms Good Girl.

I'll be riiite back :)

For all of you eagerly awaiting this weeks Tasty Thursday, ur gonna have to wait a little more. Its a long weekend here in South Africa and I'm off to Jhb for a girl weekend :) Thats right.. no hubby from this evening until SUNDAY! Hmmm, I wonder if this is the longest we've been apart?

Anyway.. Next weeks Tasty Thursday is gonna be about some awesome cupcakes I baked recently. Extremely soft, you would hardly believe that these are eggless! I frosted it with some honey lemon icing and it was delish :) :)

Here's a teaser for it ....

See ya when I get back :)



Feedback on Ermelo Huskies

Last week I posted about the huskies that were being ill-treated and Husky Rescues Plea for Assistance. I have since received this email from Jasper at Husky Rescue thanking everyone for their support and advising us of what happened after. Thanks to all who assisted.

The story started when we received a call for help to rescue 20 huskies from a back yard breeder. Two days before we went to rescue the huskies, it was confirmed that there are only 15 huskies. We went on Thursday morning to rescue the huskies, in conjunction with the Police who handled the entire operation extremely well. They were very professional in their conduct. After the Police gave us the go-ahead to enter the property & to retrieve the huskies, we confiscated 11 huskies. It appears that the rest was sold off.All the huskies went for a general check-up the same day here in JHB. The huskies general condition is not to great, this shows clearly in quality of their fur & teeth. The two older female’s ears are badly eaten by flies & their fur was very badly knotted, which is a clear sign of neglect.


All the huskies seems to suffering from some degree of mental stress & fear behavioural issues, based on the way they respond, i.e. aggression or withdrawal. The puppies are invested with worm & clearly was never de-wormed. The only male puppy died this morning from seizures. It was also clear that he had a problem with his hind legs & could not walk properly. The only red adult male we found, is extremely aggressive & cannot be fostered with any other animals. For now, we had to move him into a kennels.


When we sent out the first e-mail, asking for help, never in our wildest dreams did we expect the response we received. It was simply absolutely amazing to see how many people out there cared and supported us and were willing to really dig deep into their pockets in order to help these poor dogs.


I would like to take this opportunity to thank everybody who donated, food, money, blankets, toys & their time to make this rescue operation a massive success. Thanks to all the foster home who’s been so generous in opening their homes to these orphans. We have had a lot of offers from people who would like to adopt these huskies, please be patient, the court case needs to be finalised before we can place these huskies in permanent homes.


I would like to thank Kim, Mandy, Elke, Siobhan, Manuela, Krappies, Tanja & her dad, who drove all the way to Ermelo & back, for all the time it took to sort out the huskies. For the Vets, Glen Packer, Paulshof Vet, Fernridge Vet, who came onboard to assist us with all the sterilisations.


Lastly a very special thanks to Montego Food & Royal Canin who very generously donated food to this great course.


Jasper van Jaarsveld
Husky Rescue – Representative

jasper@huskyrescue.co.za

http://www.huskyrescue.co.za/

Tasty Thursday - Sweetcorn Filled Gems

This weeks Tasty Thursday is a favourite in our house because of its simplicity and how easy it is to make. Its delicious, doesn't require much cooking skill and it is pretty easy on the tummy. Usually after a week of heavy, rich or spicy foods, hubby and I are looking for something that will soothe our tummies and give it a chance to settle.

Also, if we've been having those rich and spicy foods, chances are its been a hectic week where we haven't been doing the cooking ourselves and eating at home. This is a meal reserved for those times when we're too tired to cook but still want something nutricious and wholesome. And most of all quick!

Ingredients

4 Gem Squash

1 tin cream-style Sweetcorn

8 teaspoons butter (to taste and optional)

Grated Cheese

salt to taste

a sprinkle of cayenne pepper/ curry powder/ peri-peri/ paprika

a sprinkle of dried mixed herbs

----------------------

Cut the Gems in half

Place in a wide, shallow microwave dish with about half a cup of water

Microwave until seeds start to pull away from the sides and gem squash is cooked (usually about 8-10 mins)

Scoop out the seeds

(you can plant them, roast them or just throw them away)

Place a teaspoon of butter in the shells and grind over some salt

Fill the shells with sweetcorn, top with cheese and sprinkle over the paprika and herbs

Enjoy!

Husky Rescue - Plea for assistance

I recently received this email from Jasper at Husky Rescue South Africa... Please help if you can..

Very serious plea for assistance:

I just received a phone call from someone in Ermelo. This coming week, +20 huskies will be confiscated from an alcoholic back yard breeder, who is apparently abusing these huskies terrible. From what I understand these huskies gets beaten to the point where they bleed. Anybody who knows huskies will know that they are not aggressive at all & all they want is to be loved. So, for a husky to be beaten is unacceptable.

I beg you to please assist in one of the following ways:

· We need transport for these huskies from Ermelo to Johannesburg.


· We will urgently need foster homes who will provide a loving home.


· We need food, lots of it.

· Some of the huskies have behavioural problems, we urgently need people who can work with some of these huskies.

· If you can’t assist in any of the above, please donate money to us, into our bank account:

Account name: Husky Rescue SA

Bank: Standard Bank

Branch: Cape Gate

Branch Code: 02 39 10

Account number: 271 474 092

If you can assist, please contact Jasper at jasper@huskyrescue.co.za

My two dogs, Shadow and Blaze, are huskies and I can tell you from experience that what Jasper says about the breed is true. They are incredibly loving and are not aggressive at all. They were bred to be part of the family and have very little territorial drive (unlike other breeds). They are intelligent and playful and incredibly caring. For anyone to treat them in such a horrific manner is unthinkable.

Blaze and Shadow having a laugh :)

Tasty Thursday - Picnic Fare - Potato Salad

Continuing our series on picnic fare, todays Tasty Thursday is about that classic american dish .. Potato Salad. As lacto-vegetarians (means we have dairy but no eggs), generally store bought potato salad doesnt work for us since it contains mayo. However, we have found a pretty good substitute - Salad Cream. Here in South Africa, there is a brand called Trim which contains low oil and no eggs making it an extremely healthy choice. There is a light version as well, so if you're watching those calories, this is the way to go! This is an excellent side dish, a meal on it own or an additional relish in your burgers, hotdogs and braaied sausages.

Potato Salad

Potatoes (peeled and cubed)

Cross and Blackwell Trim Salad Cream

1/2 cup chopped herbs - Dill, Spring Onion, Chives

1/2 teaspoon curry powder 

Salt and Pepper to taste

Microwave potatoes until cooked through.

Allow to cool slightly.

While still slightly warm, pour the salad cream over (enough to cover thoroughly) and mix - doing this while the potatoes are still warm will allow you to mix the cream in easier

Add salt, pepper and curry powder and mix through

Toss in half the herbs and mix evenly

Decorate the top with remaining herbs

Emphasis

“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~ Carlos Castaneda

If the amount of work is the same, then why is it that so much of the time we are miserable? We constantly focus on the bad stuff - I have a headache; I'm bored/irritated/stressed at work; I'm not getting paid enough; Everyone else is having babies/ getting married/______ (Fill in the the blanks here) and why not me? - and make ourselves miserable. But here's the rub.. we are CHOOSING to allow these thought patterns to continue.

If you're like me, thoughts don't just enter into your mind and leave.. they cycle around, maybe make a home for themselves,and sometimes getting into a feedback loop that just kinda appears when you're not actively thinking about something (like when you're in the shower or driving and listening to music). This is not necessarily a bad thing, unless the feedback loop is a negative one.

And knowing that you do this is one thing. Changing the loop to a positive one, is something more difficult. A few techniques I've been trying is consciously stopping the thought when I realise I am having it and turning my thoughts to more positive ones. I have also been trying to use new hobbies as a distraction so that the thought patterns that circulate are about the hobbies rather than thing that impact my life negatively. So far, its helped a bit, but I'm far from being perfect at it. The negativity still comes and sometimes I forget to refocus my energies.

If you have any ideas or thoughts on how to curb these, please write it in the comments. We can all choose to happy, but it is a conscious daily effort.

Tasty Thursday - Picnic Fare - Baked Bean Salad

Now that the weather is warming up, I thought it would be a good idea to do a series on quick easy picnic food for Tasty Thursdays.

What I love about picnic food, is that it is so versatile. The baked bean salad listed below can also be spread on a pizza base or even just a slice of bread topped with some cheese and oregano and baked for a quick delicious pizza. Grill some Italian or French bread rounds brushed with garlic and olive oil, top with the baked beans salad and a sprinkling of fresh herbs and you have some tasty (and classy) bruschetta to serve at brunch.  Spread a cracker with low fat cream cheese, drop of dollop of this mixture on top and you have a quick, healthy snack. Or you could serve it as an accompaniment or side dish when braaing (barbecuing). You could even use it as a type of relish inside a burger or hotdog. I could go on and on. Go crazy and let your creative juices flow to come up with other exciting ways to use this versatile salad.

Baked Bean Salad

1 tin Baked Beans in tomato sauce

1 Tomato (chopped)

1/4 - 1/2 an onion (optional)

1/2 cup chopped parsley, spring onions, coriander

1 tsp medium curry powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp crushed ginger and garlic

1/2 tsp crushed green chillies (cayenne)

1 tsp dried mixed herbs

Method

Mix all ingredients into a large bowl and refrigerate until time to use.

Lunch breaks ... Part 2

So for the past 2 days I have been visiting the beach during my lunch breaks. The offices where I work is literally a 10 minute drive from a quiet sparsely populated beach in Umhlanga Rocks. There isn't much (read anything) in the way of available food there which makes traffic really light. But if you drive for about 3 minutes from the parking lot at this beach, you will come across a buzzing restaurant area. Usually, if I haven't eaten already at my desk, I will stop off at the Woolworths food market there and pick up something to take with me to the beach.

Once there, I will sit on the sand, leaning against the cool stone of the barrier wall and simply bask in the sun. Sometimes, I take my eReader with me to read. And sometimes, I just sit there and watch the waves. If there a people around (theres usually a few), I people watch. I let my mind empty as I sit there, there are no work stresses, no irritations, no fears. It is incredibly peaceful and if I'm reading, I lose myself in someone elses story, someone else's drama and adventures.

Occassionally, a seagulls cry will jolt me out of the story and I will look up and smile. Happy to be where I am. Relaxed, with my mind at peace, I am able to return to work renewed and ready to continue through the afternoon.

Ohhh yeeeaaah..

 For my lunch break today, I went to the Kauai at the Wavehouse in Gateway.


 The bright airy atmosphere perked my spirits right up and the fresh, wholesome food which is healthy and tastes delicious made me feel wonderful. But even more wonderful was sitting beside those big glass windows toward the back with the gorgeous sunshine streaming in and warming me from the inside out.

 After eating an incredibly filling vegetarian mexican burrito, I sat there reading a book on my eReader and sipping a decadant mug of hot chocolate. If you haven't tried the hot chocolate at Kauai, you don't know what you're missing... Rich and dark with just the right amount of sweetness and gorgeous thick foam top that lasts forever. And as I got to the bottom of the cup, I found little bits of melted chocolate .. YUM :)

The warmth of the sun combined with the glorious chocolate worked their magic on me and I felt WONDERFUL. Relaxed and warm and happy. But all too soon, the hour was up and I had to return to work..

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WARNING : TMI AHEAD
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On a side note, regarding my fertility and TTC .. something odd has been happening on my chart (I've included a link to my fertility friend charts if anyone wants to take a look. My temps have been zig zagging all over the place and the last time it did that was when I had the ectopic pregnancy. But it is waay too soon for me to have O'd which has me confused. I usually O between CD15 and CD25. If I was pregnant again now, I would have to have O'd between CD7 and CD9. Thats just waay too early. But I've had some mild cramping on my left side (where the functioning ovary and tube is) and I have been a little more headachy than usual which has me a little.. nervous.

On the one hand, I would love to be pregnant again, but on the other, hubby and I had decided to wait until after October to try again. The doctor had said to wait for 2 AF's to come which has happened so on that score I'm safe, but what if I'm not emotionally ready for this? I know the thought of being pregnant again right now, already has me kinda anxious simply because my chart is looking similar to my ectopic.

Then again maybe I'm overthinking things and I didn't really O. Its just too soon to tell and the way my temps are going up and down doesn't help when trying to get a clear idea of what my body is doing.

So fingers crossed. Even if I don't know which outcome I'm hoping for...