Recently, I read this post over at the QuietRevolution. If you have never been there, go take a look. If you are an extrovert, it will give you some amazing insights into the other half of the population. If you an introvert, you will find yourself nodding while reading. You may even feel compelled to silently shouting "YES! This is ME! There are people out there who understand!"
Note, I said silently :)
So, back to the topic at hand.
Making friends.
As an introvert, and a person with other issues that compound anxiety and shyness into the mix, making friends is a scary exercise. First, you have to actually TALK to people, usually someone new. GASP! (Anxiety speaks)
Then you have SPEND TIME with them. I feel tired already! (Introversion means people drain you of energy).
Then you have to actually make an effort to MAINTAIN the relationship (Introversion and anxiety - "I'm tired and dont have the extra energy to give to someone" and "What if they don't like me and were only being polite? What if I'm calling too soon? Do I seem too eager? What if I should have called before now and they think I dont care? What if I'm forcing myself on them? Does it seem like I'm the only one making the effort here? Why is it always me trying to make plans? Why don't they do it as well? It probably means that they dont want to spend time with me.What if they dont like me? " and on and on the anxiety loop goes.)
The post at the quiet revolution was about not just making friends for yourself. It was about how not making friends with the other moms in your child's school or playgroup can actually be hurting your child. Can you imagine? If I struggle to make friends with the other moms, my child may not be included in the extra activities that often cement friendships between the kids. I could be conditioning my child toward introversion and social anxiety! Yay! Yet another thing to be anxious about!
This weekend, I organised a play date between my daughter and a friend of hers from another grade. Seeing how happy the kids were, was an eye opener. My child couldn't stop talking about it and spontaneously came to me to hug and say thank you and "i love you, mommy". For me, it helped that technology helped to make the social interaction easier. I sent a WhatsApp message to the mom in question, she responded and we took it from there. The husbands came along as well which helped gloss over any awkward silences on my part and I was able to settle in and start to talk to them without any noticeable discomfort.
With this weekend a success, I think I can safely say that I will be trying to dip my toes into parental friendliness a bit more. Come on in, the water is warm.
Note, I said silently :)
So, back to the topic at hand.
Making friends.
As an introvert, and a person with other issues that compound anxiety and shyness into the mix, making friends is a scary exercise. First, you have to actually TALK to people, usually someone new. GASP! (Anxiety speaks)
Then you have SPEND TIME with them. I feel tired already! (Introversion means people drain you of energy).
Then you have to actually make an effort to MAINTAIN the relationship (Introversion and anxiety - "I'm tired and dont have the extra energy to give to someone" and "What if they don't like me and were only being polite? What if I'm calling too soon? Do I seem too eager? What if I should have called before now and they think I dont care? What if I'm forcing myself on them? Does it seem like I'm the only one making the effort here? Why is it always me trying to make plans? Why don't they do it as well? It probably means that they dont want to spend time with me.What if they dont like me? " and on and on the anxiety loop goes.)
The post at the quiet revolution was about not just making friends for yourself. It was about how not making friends with the other moms in your child's school or playgroup can actually be hurting your child. Can you imagine? If I struggle to make friends with the other moms, my child may not be included in the extra activities that often cement friendships between the kids. I could be conditioning my child toward introversion and social anxiety! Yay! Yet another thing to be anxious about!
This weekend, I organised a play date between my daughter and a friend of hers from another grade. Seeing how happy the kids were, was an eye opener. My child couldn't stop talking about it and spontaneously came to me to hug and say thank you and "i love you, mommy". For me, it helped that technology helped to make the social interaction easier. I sent a WhatsApp message to the mom in question, she responded and we took it from there. The husbands came along as well which helped gloss over any awkward silences on my part and I was able to settle in and start to talk to them without any noticeable discomfort.
With this weekend a success, I think I can safely say that I will be trying to dip my toes into parental friendliness a bit more. Come on in, the water is warm.
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| My Daughter and her friend |
