Trying to explain how she was feeling was like trying to
explain how one felt when slowly suffocating to death. How do you explain
something that is only explainable as the lack of something else?
When the oxygen is being diminished in a room, you don’t immediately
notice. You breathe normally and your body compensates. The air gets thinner.
You compensate again by unconsciously taking shallower breaths. Talking becomes
slightly difficult. Then more difficult. You notice that movement makes you
tired more easily. So you begin to limit your movements and words. Your head
starts to feel full of cotton wool. It becomes harder to think. Suddenly there's
a breaking point and your body realises that the air is almost gone. You begin
to gasp and cough, your body spasming in an effort to expel the imaginary
thing blocking your air supply. But there is nothing blocking it. There is just
no more air in the room. Deprived of this life giving force, you lay down,
close your eyes and begin to die.
At this point, you can still be saved. If you were removed
from the room, your body would gasp and start to take in air once more. Even if
your body does not recognise the presence of air, you can still be saved.
Someone can force your heart to beat, can force air into your lungs until your
body remembers that in order to live, it must breathe, the blood must flow.
Sometimes, of course, its too late. No matter how hard your
saviour works, they cannot make your heart start beating again, on its own, in
time. They cannot force your lungs to expand and contract without help. You are
essentially brain dead. There is no person left in that body, there is just a
machine pumping air into lungs and making the blood flow.
She knew she was not dead yet. But she was slowly starving. Talking was more difficult. Movement made her tired. Thinking was like grinding blood from a stone. She was gasping, spasming, fighting. But its not too late.
