Pssst... can you hear the cricket chirrping? Its been a while since I last posted, though the urge to write here has not left me. There has just been some major things going on in my life which I will now fill you in on... if you're interested :) Be aware though, there will be alot of cliches in this post. I can't help it.. they're cliches for a reason!
So first of all, I'd like to say, I am fine. I'm good. Happy. It took a while to get to this place and am going to hang on to it with my fingernails if need be. I like this feeling. I like feeling like I am living my life again instead of being stuck in an event that won't let go of me (or I won't go of... depending on which camp you're in).
A big part of that, I think, was the new year. Fresh starts, out with the old. It finally sunk in that the what has happened, happened in the past.
With this in mind, I decided to get up off the ground and start working towards my dreams again. I don't begrudge myself the time I spent lying on the ground. It gave me time to heal. Time to grieve and and time to regain the control that was ripped away from me. But that time has come to an end. It is time roll up those sleeves, pull up those socks and get back to work.
Part of getting back to work and making my dreams come true, was a visit to the gynae's office. Do you have any idea how busy gynaes are?? The one who did my surgery was booked out till June (and I called for an appointment in Jan!) Most others, would only see me end of Feb. Finally I found one who was willing to see me in Jan. He checked me out, and sent me for blood tests to confirm the PCOS (it was confirmed that my ovaries were polycystic.. but not that I had the syndrome).
The test result came back and, as expected, I definitely have PCOS. Fasting insulin should be between 5-10, mine was 28.6 Testosterone in females should be below 9 (i.e. undetectable) mine was 11.5. Luckily, my cholesterol and TSH was normal. The actual numbers were a bit of a shock, but the diagnosis itself was expected. The plan forward is to lose weight. Lots of weight. Basically about 1kg per week for the next few months. I've been given Metformin to control my insulin response and lower my testosterone, told to see a dietician and I need to exercise every day for a minimum of half an hour.
I haven't yet been able to see the dietician but I have been researching food choices and working on my diet. I have also started the exercise, but in two 15 minute sessions rather than a single half hour session. I'm still working up to that. I have stopped eating bread made with wheat and started eating rye bread instead (since it has been proven to regulate insulin response). I also eat less of it since it feels heavier than wheat bread. Last weekend, I got in an hour swim on sunday and high intensity walks on saturday. During the week, I go for a fast walk during my lunch breaks and try to get in 15 minutes on the elliptical in the evening.
Results so far (I have only been doing this for a week and half), is that I have already lost 1 kg. Instead of the big goal of 11kgs in 3 months, I am working towards smaller goals. 1kg every week. Last week I met my goal. This week, with Valentines Day, I am aiming to meet my 1kg goal, but if I only manage half a kilo or to maintain the 1kg loss, I am not going to beat myself up.
As a parallel goal, I am learning to accept myself and my body for what it is. I am trying to love myself for myself and not be overly critical (something I am especially prone to being). Part of that, means that I stop beating myself up for things that have happened and focus on correction rather than the mistakes. So if I only manage to maintain this week, I will celebrate that for what it is. And I will work harder next week to ensure I meet my goals. Looking back and berating myself solves nothing, and in fact is a demotivator. If I focus on the mistake, it will make me feel useless and think "why bother? This is pointless. I cannot do this." Instead, I will focus on next week and think "Last week, I managed to maintain. This week I will try to better that."
It feels good to have a plan of action. I am a goal-oriented person and floating in limbo does not work well for me. Now that I know what is wrong with my body, I can take concrete steps to solve it and in so doing meet my goal of having a baby. I will be posting my progress every week, as well, to further motivate myself. Its a carrot and stick approach. It sucks to admit to the world out there that I have failed in meeting my goal for the week. But the reverse is true as well.
Progress Report : 16 Feb 2011
Starting weight : 80kg
Current Weight : 79kg
Last week goal met : YES
Goal for this week : 78kg
So first of all, I'd like to say, I am fine. I'm good. Happy. It took a while to get to this place and am going to hang on to it with my fingernails if need be. I like this feeling. I like feeling like I am living my life again instead of being stuck in an event that won't let go of me (or I won't go of... depending on which camp you're in).
A big part of that, I think, was the new year. Fresh starts, out with the old. It finally sunk in that the what has happened, happened in the past.
With this in mind, I decided to get up off the ground and start working towards my dreams again. I don't begrudge myself the time I spent lying on the ground. It gave me time to heal. Time to grieve and and time to regain the control that was ripped away from me. But that time has come to an end. It is time roll up those sleeves, pull up those socks and get back to work.
Part of getting back to work and making my dreams come true, was a visit to the gynae's office. Do you have any idea how busy gynaes are?? The one who did my surgery was booked out till June (and I called for an appointment in Jan!) Most others, would only see me end of Feb. Finally I found one who was willing to see me in Jan. He checked me out, and sent me for blood tests to confirm the PCOS (it was confirmed that my ovaries were polycystic.. but not that I had the syndrome).
The test result came back and, as expected, I definitely have PCOS. Fasting insulin should be between 5-10, mine was 28.6 Testosterone in females should be below 9 (i.e. undetectable) mine was 11.5. Luckily, my cholesterol and TSH was normal. The actual numbers were a bit of a shock, but the diagnosis itself was expected. The plan forward is to lose weight. Lots of weight. Basically about 1kg per week for the next few months. I've been given Metformin to control my insulin response and lower my testosterone, told to see a dietician and I need to exercise every day for a minimum of half an hour.
I haven't yet been able to see the dietician but I have been researching food choices and working on my diet. I have also started the exercise, but in two 15 minute sessions rather than a single half hour session. I'm still working up to that. I have stopped eating bread made with wheat and started eating rye bread instead (since it has been proven to regulate insulin response). I also eat less of it since it feels heavier than wheat bread. Last weekend, I got in an hour swim on sunday and high intensity walks on saturday. During the week, I go for a fast walk during my lunch breaks and try to get in 15 minutes on the elliptical in the evening.
Results so far (I have only been doing this for a week and half), is that I have already lost 1 kg. Instead of the big goal of 11kgs in 3 months, I am working towards smaller goals. 1kg every week. Last week I met my goal. This week, with Valentines Day, I am aiming to meet my 1kg goal, but if I only manage half a kilo or to maintain the 1kg loss, I am not going to beat myself up.
As a parallel goal, I am learning to accept myself and my body for what it is. I am trying to love myself for myself and not be overly critical (something I am especially prone to being). Part of that, means that I stop beating myself up for things that have happened and focus on correction rather than the mistakes. So if I only manage to maintain this week, I will celebrate that for what it is. And I will work harder next week to ensure I meet my goals. Looking back and berating myself solves nothing, and in fact is a demotivator. If I focus on the mistake, it will make me feel useless and think "why bother? This is pointless. I cannot do this." Instead, I will focus on next week and think "Last week, I managed to maintain. This week I will try to better that."
It feels good to have a plan of action. I am a goal-oriented person and floating in limbo does not work well for me. Now that I know what is wrong with my body, I can take concrete steps to solve it and in so doing meet my goal of having a baby. I will be posting my progress every week, as well, to further motivate myself. Its a carrot and stick approach. It sucks to admit to the world out there that I have failed in meeting my goal for the week. But the reverse is true as well.
Progress Report : 16 Feb 2011
Starting weight : 80kg
Current Weight : 79kg
Last week goal met : YES
Goal for this week : 78kg
You go girl!:)
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