I have at least 2 more posts in progress at the moment, when this came up on my twitter feeds. It struck a chord in me, the thoughts and feelings expressed could have been my own. Even though I am now older and hopefully a little wiser, and as a parent I now understand both sides of the equation, I still have those feelings inside of me.
As a parent, I understand the motivation behind the pressure. As an adult who was once a child feeling the pressure to do well, I accept and appreciate my parents for pushing me to "be the best". I understand why, and even applaud them for getting me to where I am today. I openly acknowledge that I would not be as successful or independent, if it were not for my parents.
But as that child who is now an adult? As that child, I am still wracked with uncertainty. As that child, I am anxious over everything I do. As that child, I live in fear of never doing enough. Never being enough. As that child, these mental blockages have begun to manifest themselves in the adult that I am, as physical ailments.
Before you misunderstand, I am in no way blaming anyone for this. I was the one who took the message "be the best" and internalised it to the degree that it was no longer a positive message. I was the one who took it, combined it with my need for order, structure, balance and perfection, and turned it into something harmful. It was my personality. My flaw. But knowing this, doesn't take the pain away. Knowing it, does not assuage my need for acceptance. For validation. For being.... enough.
As a parent, I understand the motivation behind the pressure. As an adult who was once a child feeling the pressure to do well, I accept and appreciate my parents for pushing me to "be the best". I understand why, and even applaud them for getting me to where I am today. I openly acknowledge that I would not be as successful or independent, if it were not for my parents.
But as that child who is now an adult? As that child, I am still wracked with uncertainty. As that child, I am anxious over everything I do. As that child, I live in fear of never doing enough. Never being enough. As that child, these mental blockages have begun to manifest themselves in the adult that I am, as physical ailments.
Before you misunderstand, I am in no way blaming anyone for this. I was the one who took the message "be the best" and internalised it to the degree that it was no longer a positive message. I was the one who took it, combined it with my need for order, structure, balance and perfection, and turned it into something harmful. It was my personality. My flaw. But knowing this, doesn't take the pain away. Knowing it, does not assuage my need for acceptance. For validation. For being.... enough.
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